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Let Your Emotions Tell You If Your Relationship’s Meant To Be…
The dating scenario has become complicated over time. For a date that’s about to happen on Friday night, you’d probably start strategizing for it by Tuesday morning. The perfect dress will get laid out on the sofa, and the topics you can talk on the date about will get debated upon with your bestie.
But have you ever thought that the more you feel the need to strategize, the higher the chances that your date isn’t the right person for you?
It isn’t right that you have to feel prepared for every date you go out on. First dates are tough, as they should be because you’re taking a jump into a new venture. But feeling that same anxiety at every date?Let’s just say, you’re not in the healthiest relationship then.
Having to focus on how you’re sitting, how you look, whether your date finds you charming enough, pretty enough, fun enough – that isn’t how you’d want to spend your days, would you? It would end up being awkward, uncomfortable, and overall, a very painful evening.
Of course, you should have butterflies in your stomach when you think of your partner, or it would be a dull relationship indeed. But getting full of anxiety every time you think of being with him would be a definite sign that you two are not right for each other.
Fear of Facing Your Date
The first date is always playing havoc on the nerves, but as we’ve said, that shouldn’t be the case every time. You shouldn’t feel belittled or that you’re answering an examination every time the two of you talk, and neither should you feel the need to buy a new dress for every time you go out. Even if your date doesn’t know that he makes you feel as if you’re on trial, it isn’t right that you feel the level of discomfort that you do every time you meet him.
It just isn’t healthy to be feeling that much of stress all the time. This isn’t with regards to only your personal relationships, but every aspect of life. You wouldn’t enjoy working at a job that made you feel on edge all the time. Or for that matter, hanging out with people who make you uncomfortable, or watching movies which give you stress. It’s just not a natural state of being, and your mind would sub-consciously try to get you to move away from it.
And there’s a reason for it. Perpetual anxiety is an unnatural state of the mind. It is important, and a good sign, that you want your date to like you. But if it makes you feel self-conscious all the time, it just isn’t something you would enjoy over a long period of time. Being with your partner should make you happy, and be at ease. Not awkward and tensed.
Being on an Emotional High
It’s understandable that you’d feel excited to meet your partner at every date, despite the anxiety and stress of having to ‘perform’. And you might assume that it’s a good thing because isn’t is it good to be excited about your date? But it’s important to know that just because you’re eager to make the relationship work, your partner need not feel the same. You cannot generate chemistry between the two of you all by yourself.
Basically, you cannot judge the health of your relationship based on how excited or eager you are to meet your partner.
Being with someone who makes you feel inadequate as a person is not a relationship that is healthy for you. In fact, constant battering of yourself, or analysing every part of the date to figure out how you didn’t live up to expectations, could lead to depression.
Even for people who are generally insecure, it is important to find a partner who would sustain your self-confidence and boost your morale. Being with someone who does know how to support your self-affirmations, but instead creates an image for you to live up to is just bad news. This is puppy love, not real love.
Infatuation and Secure Relationships
In a research on infatuation and attachment carried out by Langelag and his team in 2013, there was a measurement method drawn up to differentiate between the two. It was baselined that the two emotions are basically rooted in the same concept of romanticism, but have grown to mean two wholly different branches. Infatuation is more of a ‘compelling feeling of passionate amour’, and attachment is an ‘emotional bond arising from a feeling of comfort’.
As such, infatuation causes anxiety to please and impress, and insecurity about your partner’s reciprocity. Attachment, on the other hand, would reduce anxiety and stress, and make being around the partner a relaxing activity.
Of course, what is infatuation at the beginning of a relationship could change to attachment as time passes. Almost all relationships start off as puppy love, after all. But what is key, is that it is only at the start of the relationship that it is infatuation.
But what was interesting was that it was found during the research that infatuation is higher in non-romantic relationships. In relationships, infatuation is often found between student-teacher associations, boss-underling relations and other such relations where the chances of the relation succeeding are low. These infatuations are often highly stressed and negatively effective. Secure attachment, on the other hand, leads to positive affectations.
Security Triumphs Anxiety
Don’t let your negative emotions hide the next time you’re on a date. If you’re feeling overly uncomfortable, stressed or anxious, take them as signs that things are not going well. Remember, being happy, relaxed and at ease are the key factors to having a secure relationship which will, in turn, be successful.