There is a specific kind of girl that we may all be familiar with. She’s the kind of girl who cries herself to sleep at night. And when you think about this girl, she’s not the one you would particularly expect. You would envision this girl to be the weak girl who never says anything in a group. You think that this is the meek girl who has a weak personality; the girl who never seems to stand out in a crowd. You think that this is the girl who is a hopeless dramatic; the one who is built to be a damsel in distress. But that’s not necessarily the case. In most cases, those “weak” girls that come to mind are actually the girls who are able to find strength elsewhere. They are the girls are the ones who are always able to find healthy outlets for their feelings and emotions. They are the girls who know how to find people they can lean on. Sure, they look weak, but they’re used to their weaknesses. They’ve come to terms with who they are and they’re fine with it. They have learned to adapt.
So stop focusing on that girl. Because she’s not the girl who you need to be focusing on at this moment. The specific kind of girl that is the subject of this piece is the girl you would never expect to cry herself to sleep at night. She’s the girl who has a brave face. She is the girl who laughs the loudest when a joke is told to the group. She is a girl who is always ready to put a smile on her face when she sees you. She’s the kind of girl who you never see crying because she tries so hard to fight back her tears. She’s the girl who tries to shun her negative emotions aside by trying to focus on the positives in life. And for the most part, she is able to do so. But when she gets home and the voices in her head start to become much louder, it becomes significantly much more difficult for her to set her feelings aside. She gets home and she lays down on her bed and she is left alone with her thoughts. They drown in the loneliness of the depth of their feelings. And while these spells with being alone are all too familiar with them, it doesn’t necessarily get easier. She cries herself to sleep at night and she doesn’t seem to know how to make things better for her.
There is really no other pain that compares to being alone in a world that’s filled with people. She feels like she has so much to give but she doesn’t have an outlet at all. She wants to be with someone she can really take care of; and a person who can take care of her in return. She knows she badly needs someone who can take care of her. Unfortunately, as she’s lying down on her bed, she looks around her room and she sees that she doesn’t have anyone to take care of her after all. All she sees are the four corners of her room and she knows that they won’t be able to do anything for her. She has to wallow in her own sadness in the darkness. She feels alone and she knows that her loneliness doesn’t do her any good in helping her deal with her sadness.
You would never really be able to imagine or comprehend the kind of emotional turmoil that she has to deal with on a daily basis. She has so many demons that she’s fending off deep inside of her soul. She things about all of the times that she’s been neglected and rejected. She thinks about all of the times where she has felt excluded. But she still tries to put on a brave face because she doesn’t want anyone to know the kinds of struggles that she has to endure every day that she’s alive. And that just eats away more and more at her spirit. The harder she tries to make it seem like everything is okay, the more drained she becomes.
And that’s the reason why she cries so hard at night. That’s the reason why she has to let the tears flow so much. That’s the reason why she has to wallow in a pool of her own tears nightly. She does so because it’s the only way she knows how to be strong. She doesn’t want anyone to know what she’s going through so that they won’t have to expose themselves to that kind of life. But it’s slowly killing her and she just needs someone to help her out of her sadness.