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You have a great guy who isn’t shy of throwing a few hugs and kisses your way. He knows how to converse with you. He isn’t afraid of really penetrating the depths of your souls when you talk to one another. And so you lead yourself to believe that he knows how to get intimate with you, right? Well, you shouldn’t be so quick to jump to such conclusions. These are great facets to have in a partner, but you have to understand that these gestures only scratch the surface when it comes to intimacy. There are plenty of men out there who are able to put up a façade of something that resembles intimacy while still maintaining their emotional distance from you. You have to be able to read between the lines. You can’t just take these gestures at face value or else you are going to risk getting duped.
And why is intimacy so important in a relationship? Well, it’s fairly simple really. It’s only through real intimacy wherein a couple could truly get close to one another. It’s through real intimacy where emotional barriers between two people get continually broken and destroyed. It’s through real intimacy where two souls gradually merge into a single entity. So it goes without saying that true love can only ever really be achieved with real intimacy.
And how can you tell if your guy just isn’t cut out for intimacy? Well, there are a few things that you could keep an eye out for. If you find that a lot of the items listed here actually apply to your man, then you need to be able to confront him about it for the sake of your relationship. Here are 9 signs that your man doesn’t know how to get intimate with you.
1. He thinks that white lies are okay in the relationship.
The only real way to get intimate with another person is through openly honest communication. And part of being honest means telling the truth even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. Yes, you may think that white lies are okay because you are able to spare someone from getting hurt. But these are still acts of dishonesty. You must still be able to trust your partner to handle the truth regardless if it’s good or not. When you lie, you are essentially admitting that you don’t think your partner would be able to handle the truth. And that just drives a wedge between the both of you.
2. He suppresses his anger towards you.
Anger in a relationship isn’t necessarily something that needs to be suppressed. It just has to be managed effectively. If he suppresses his anger, it means he doesn’t think that you would both be able to handle his real emotions.
3. He doesn’t invite you over to visit his place of living.
He isn’t too keen on letting you into his abode because he feels like that represents letting you into his life rather too intimately.
4. He always tells you that everything is “okay”.
Rather than inconveniencing you with the sad reality of their life, they would rather just tell you that everything is okay. It’s a lot easier for them to do so than to go into detail about the little insecurities that plague them on a daily basis.
5. He waits for you to say “I love you” first in the relationship.
A person who doesn’t want to openly admit love and affection even when it’s there is someone who is afraid of getting intimate. It means that they don’t necessarily want to take a chance on that love even though it’s practically uncontainable at this point.
6. He still has some things that he refuses to talk about with you.
In a real intimate relationship, everything is open for discussion. If there are still some aspects of his life that he isn’t willing to open up about, then that tells you he isn’t really comfortable with trusting you with everything just yet.
7. He doesn’t make it feel like you’re welcome to share the bed with him.
It’s perfectly possible for two people to share a bed with each other while still feeling like they’re sleeping alone. If this is the case with the two of you, it’s because he’s afraid of getting intimate.
8. His relationship history is mostly composed of short-term flings.
His inability to commit to his previous romantic partners is proof that he isn’t really fond of commitment at all. If he’s all about short-term flings and shallow romances, it’s because he’s afraid of really going deep in commitment with someone.
9. He has dealt with vast emotional trauma since his childhood.
Sometimes, emotional trauma can play a huge role in inhibiting a person’s capacity to be intimate. Someone who has dealt with an emotionally compromising experience in the past can often become very withdrawn and stand-offish. They will not want to place themselves in vulnerable positions anymore and that’s why they would rather not get intimate with others.
Ladies, has this happened to you? Talk to me in the comments below!